myschyf: (Default)
myschyf ([personal profile] myschyf) wrote2012-11-29 04:38 pm

(no subject)

As you've probably gathered, Charlie's going through another tantrum phase. From the struggles she's having, I'm thinking she's having a major developmental breakthrough. Which I'm *sure* will be lovely when it's done.

I've been googling to look for new ideas to cope with the screaming and yelling and throwing things (we do have a rule in place that if you throw something, it goes to Goodwill. Well, unless it's isn't yours of course. I don't know if it's much of a deterrent though). And if I see one more person write that anything other than a perfectly calm child should be immediately seen by a doctor, as the kid is obviously abnormal, I may have a tantrum myself.

Please don't get me wrong. Early intervention is key with a lot of problems. But I think the vast majority of kids have tantrums. I did, Sam did (dear ghods, did she ever), etc. It's like the times I googled waking up with a headache and 98% of the responses were basically "You have cancer". That was using US Google. I checked on UK Google and the advice was along the lines of "Have you tried a different pillow?"

I think Charlie's main problem is, she's too much like me. Stubborn as all hell and gets super frustrated if she can't get her point across. I've grown out of my tantrums (mostly). Hopefully she will too. Sam did (mostly) and I survived that with a lot less support.

I'd still like some new ideas, but frankly, I'm not sure there are any.


In other Charlie news, the alarm worked! She set it off twice and then went back to bed for a while. It's only the first day, but oh, it is *SO* good to come downstairs and see the things in my studio where I left them. The rest of the house too, but she seemed to target my place.


Frank Oz on the Colbert Report. Excellent.


The Rubiks Cube that Isn't. Which is not a sequel to The Bear That Wasn't.


Happy birthday, Louisa May Alcott. Love your work. :D

[identity profile] 2012-11-29 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I googled waking up with a headache and 98% of the responses were basically "You have cancer". That was using US Google. I checked on UK Google and the advice was along the lines of "Have you tried a different pillow?"

Ha! I actually did LOL :-P

[identity profile] 2012-11-29 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, people actually say stuff like that. Wow. Yes, a lot of kids have tantrums... People have different personalities and so on, so some don't have tantrums, but they seem more normal than not. I'd think it would be far more productive for people to focus on how to help kids understand and express their emotions in a *more acceptable* way than pathologizing everything.

[identity profile] 2012-11-29 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I wish I could sit down in person and commiserate. Right now we're going through a biting-and-scratching-your-sister phase (at night or at mealtime) that I could really do without. And we still have occasional tantrums and/or meltdowns, or as the preschool so kindly put it, "Simone can be a little emotionally fragile about some things" and "April sometimes has trouble transitioning away from an activity." Yup.

jenny_evergreen: (Jenny 11)

[personal profile] jenny_evergreen 2012-11-29 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Finn is Mr. Drama. *rolls eyes* At least I know where he gets it!

Have you tried a "Charlie's Special Calming Spot" thing? That seems to work with more girls than boys. (Not happening with MY boys, anyway.)

Love you.

[identity profile] 2012-11-30 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
No suggestions, but wanted you to know I read and am thinking about you.

I've seen people gather around a kid having a tantrum in the kicking and screaming stage and saying things like, "Awww, isn't that cute?" I wanted to smack them (and I'm not a kid person).

I know you don't do that. And I thank you.

[identity profile] 2012-11-30 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
Very interesting said phase happens to coincide with the appearance of mighty effective door alarm.

[identity profile] 2012-11-30 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
I love my children and I'm sure the main reason is I have repressed forgotten everything up to yesterday.

I know at age 3, Son1 would at time spend the entire weekend in time out.

OOooo, OOooo, OOooo, I do remember one thing I did.

I got 3 page protectors and I hung them on the wall. One had a red sheet in it, one had a yellow sheet, one had a green sheet.

Then, I made a paper chain,, and put a date on each chain with obviously the end date being special. So for example, New Years or January 18th or February 23rd, whatever.

Then each day, part of the bedtime routine was to put the chain for that day in one of the three page protectors. Green was a GREAT! day, Yellow was an average day and RED was a bad opportunity to improve day.

At the end date, we would look over how many days were in each color. Then based on what was earned, they would get to do something/get something special. It might be choose dinner, go see a movie, stay up late, whatever. Of course the goal was to get all greens and it most definitely was not to get yellows and reds.

On days that were yellows, I would ask questions. Some would be general like, "What could have happened to make the day better?", some would be more specific like, "How could blah been handled better?" Sometimes it was something I did which gave them an opportunity to tell me, "Mom, you didn't say please and that made me angry" and sometimes it was feedback to them how their behavior could have been better.

On red days, we obviously took a long look at how the day could have been better, I'm sure you do this also but I would constantly have them see that throwing tantrums did absolutely nothing to help them get what they wanted and we would try and figure out what they could have done to A.) make the situation better and B.) get what it was they wanted. If they were obviously NOT going to get what they wanted, then I would explain to them why.

Hope that helps!

Edit to add: Oh, we have a rule that if you throw it, you lose it for a time period. If you throw something that belongs to someone else, The Parents get to choose what you will lose for the designated time period. Any toy that was put in time out for 3 times was taken away until they showed they were mature enough to play with it. 2 times of THAT happening and the toy was gone until further notice. <- I think that happened once.
Edited 2012-11-30 02:04 (UTC)

[identity profile] 2012-11-30 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know if it would work for you, but when MooseMan would have tantrums- and it was often in the car- I learned to settle it down and quiet him down by turning up the radio to cover the noise he was making. I told him that if he calmed down and stopped shouting, I'd turn it back down, but I'd turn it back up if he started up again. It took maybe 4 times to convince him that the radio being loud was far more annoying than anything that might set him off.

I wish you the best of luck with this. Sending you strength. :)

[identity profile] 2012-12-01 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
That works for us too. And generally, sister pressure will induce a faster calming down time. Occasionally, it just prolonged it.

[identity profile] 2012-12-01 09:26 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad the door alarm is helping. I wish we'd installed on for K years before we did- it would have helped her not to have learned that sneaking/stealing = COOL. Sigh. Good for you!