Sam's spelling? Kind of exploding, in a really good way. Why, you ask? Would you believe the chat feature in Dizzywood, and talking to her dad and I via Windows Messenger?
There is a rule that she can't use an abbreviation or acronym if she can't spell the words involved. And we're talking about the difference between "your" and "you're", that sort of thing. It's really, really nifty. It was what I was hoping would happen, and I'm so glad it did.
I miss Charlie terribly. I haven't seen her since the day before V-day. I know I did the right thing, but it's still utterly depressing.
I know that she's at the good hospital now and that they're working with us to get her home asap, but it still feels like she's never gonna be here. It's been so bloody long. And I work so hard not to think about that part of it, because I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of feeling so hopeless.
Who's have thought bringing my baby home would be so difficult?
On the good side, still not my fault. The stenosis was something that could only be discovered once she was born, and nothing I did/didn't do could have created or prevented it. Well, okay. I could have not gotten pregnant, but that seems drastic.
The whole "I'm to blame for all the problems of the world, especially those in my family" thing? Yeah, so not new. I can't actually remember when it started, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned up when I was thirteen or fourteen. And then, when I woke up in the ICU, it was gone. My extreme guilt about the universe had vanished.
I think it was because, when I woke up and found out Charlie was alive (and was Charlie, rather than Danny) and I was alive, even though (some of) The Worst Things had happened, then all my guilt and all my superstitions seemed ridiculous. And amazingly, they haven't come back either.
I finally got my mp3 player recognized by my computer! I've only had it for two (maybe three) years now. I appreciate Jeff being so kind in letting me hijack his to put music on my player, but it's so nice to be able to do it myself. And now that I can reliably change stuff as I like, I can finally use it for audio books. Yay!
A week or so ago, popfiend
(who is truly nifty) asked for love stories. I told him one, and have been thinking it belongs here. So...here.
A short love story.
Charlie was born mid-afternoon on December 10. I woke up around five in the morning the next day. Jeff was at the hospital from the time he took me (and Sammy, but she went home with my mom sometime on Thursday) to the ER to the time we were both awake (he slept in the waiting room) and he saw me. He came by later, so we could watch CSI together.
About twenty minutes after the poor guy went home to finally get some sleep, I started to have one hell of a time breathing. I'd had breathing problems all day. Part of it was the anesthesia leaving my body and part of it was the fact that I couldn't stand the oxygen masks. They eventually gave me a cannula (the little clear tube one wears in the nostrils) and I got used to that. But on Thursday night, it felt like my entire inside was swollen (that's the best description I've got). I told the nurses and they said it was the anesthesia and that it would get better eventually.
But right then, I wasn't able to take a deep breath, and the oxygen wasn't helping. So, I called Jeff, waking him up (we live fiveish minutes away from that hospital) and asked him to please come back, because I was scared and panicking.
He did. Which was so kind. I mean, I would have understood if he didn't or couldn't. But he did.
And once he got there, I was able to breathe deeper and stop feeling like I was going to die. It didn't fix everything, but him sitting at my bedside, holding my hand and talking about goofy stuff helped me breathe better.
I knew he loved me, but that was amazing.
Oh, in other news? We lost the dvd player. Seriously.
When we were putting stuff in the van for the trek to B'more, I implusivly grabbed the dvd player (and remote), 'cause I figured we could hook it up to the tv in the room. We did that in 2002 with our vcr. Unfortunately, the back of the tv had a cover on it, and we couldn't get to the connectors, and there weren't tvs in the rooms at the Children's Home (which totally sounds like an orphanage).
When we were moving out of the hotel, we almost forgot it, but I grabbed it when I was doing the last scan of the room (it was on the top shelf of the entertainment center, easy to overlook) and I remember bringing it down. I either gave it to Jeff to put in or put it in myself. I *think* I put it in the van myself, but I'd put so many other things in that it might not be a real memory.
When we were bringing stuff into the new place, we decided to leave it in the van, in the cargo section, which was cavernous and difficult to see from outside the van, even if you were looking right in the windows. And when we got home, it was gone. Nowhere to be seen The van had a very good (and loud) alarm and there were no signs of it being broken into. If they'd managed to get into the van without setting off the alarm, why close it back up? And why not take the whole thing, not the hard-to-see dvd player?
So, yeah. Don't think it was stolen, but also can't figure out where it was lost. It just kind of vanished, 'cause the van was never left open when bringing things in without one of us there, doing stuff *with* the van contents. And nobody was in the room besides us.
It is a mystery for the ages. But, we bought a new one (refurbished, from Overstock for less than the original. Small yay) and it should be here soon. And now we have two remotes for it. So that'll be fun. ;)
As you know, Bob, Sammy is very into the Harry Potter books. She's read the first two and we're waiting on the third to come from Paperbackswap (I've got them all, but the first three are in storage. The fourth might be as well, I'm not exactly sure).
I'm getting her some Harry Potter stuff (including a deluxe Wizard's kit with robe and wand), and find myself working really hard to *not* get her anything that spoils the books for her. I've read them so often than they kind of meld together for me into one long story.
I don't know if she'll go beyond book four right now or not. She'll certainly be allowed if she wants to, but it might be a bit daunting. We'll see.
I'm also looking at Bella Sara stuff for her...it's a fairly new obsession, but one we're doing together. Mainly 'cause she and her dad play Disney's Toontown and are really enthusiastic about it, but I'm not into that particular game. So, I figured this would be nice...and so far, it doesn't look like it can become all crapped up like Neopets. We'll see about *that* too. I was sure I'd seen a Bella Sara board game somewhere, but can't find it for the life of me. Oh well, we'll live without it somehow (especially if it doesn't exist).
I've missed just writing here. It felt wrong to go on about goofy stuff while Charlie was in the hospital. But, not doing it didn't get her out of the hospital, so may as well core-dump from time to time. That may even help. :)
Gotta go. Meeting with Dr. Clawson at four.