(no subject)

I'm crazy. Mentally ill. And knowing this is a great relief. If I can *name* it, I can fight it.

I'm manageably crazy...I can deal with the majority of things the majority of the time. But it is important for me to remember that this is the way I am...it is the way I always will be. There will be really good times and really bad times, thought mostly it's just regular times. But I'm never going to be all better. Waiting to be so will do nothing but waste my time. And, as I'm currently having a good time with my life, that would be a shame.

~~~

I know. If it's Autumn, Gessi must be talking about the crazy, right? But, it's true. And it's good to know that this isn't my fault. Oh, the crazy lies and tries to convince me it is, but I know it isn't. And I'm working very, very hard to believe that most of the things in the world aren't my fault.

I think I'm making progress. When the van broke down, that voice in the back of my brain was frantically trying to figure out how to make any of it my fault. And it failed. Utterly. It couldn't make me believe for a moment that I'd done anything to make this happen, even on a fate level. That amazes me a little.

Oh, please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the way I react to things isn't my fault (I wouldn't phrase it that way though). I do my level best to own my choices, my reactions and my life. But I think that also means knowing what bits are out of my circle of influence.

Now that I've set my mind on this road, I'm wondering if the belief that everything was my fault is a control issue.

~~~

Great staple puller. And you could chase people around with it while going "Raaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!". Which I wouldn't do.

Except for the fact that, I totally would.

~~~

I've always been fascinated by moving buildings. No, not earthquakes. Moving buildings from one place to another. The first picture is just perfect.

~~~

Via hope_persists, we have some flat out amazing shadow art made of trash.

~~~

The van's transmission does leak...though, it must be somewhere sneaky, as the mechanic couldn't find it on the first pass. I feel bad for Jeff...he feels a bit guilty, 'cause he picked the vehicle. But, it's a *Fabulous* vehicle, and once it's all fixed and we've carved the dealership into tiny pieces (verbally...at first ;), I think he'll be pleased with the choice. Good thoughts and vibes would be appreciated.

~~~

Reading Rainbow has rocked from day one...and now it's rocking for my kid. She loves it *so* much, and often asks that the books they mention be put on her wish list. I do so, and have also gotten her a hefty handful via Paperbackswap. Just *cool*.

Oh, and today, she made books for the three of us, with bookmarks to match. Penguins for me, trains for her dad and dinosaurs for her. She taped them together...during school-time today, I'll show her how to use the punch and yarn/ribbon. Not because the taped books don't rock, but 'cause they frustrated her, and I don't want the next Best Book ever to be lost 'cause the tape was annoying. *grin*

(no subject)

I'm crazy. Mentally ill. And knowing this is a great relief. If I can *name* it, I can fight it.

I'm manageably crazy...I can deal with the majority of things the majority of the time. But it is important for me to remember that this is the way I am...it is the way I always will be. There will be really good times and really bad times, thought mostly it's just regular times. But I'm never going to be all better. Waiting to be so will do nothing but waste my time. And, as I'm currently having a good time with my life, that would be a shame.

~~~

I know. If it's Autumn, Gessi must be talking about the crazy, right? But, it's true. And it's good to know that this isn't my fault. Oh, the crazy lies and tries to convince me it is, but I know it isn't. And I'm working very, very hard to believe that most of the things in the world aren't my fault.

I think I'm making progress. When the van broke down, that voice in the back of my brain was frantically trying to figure out how to make any of it my fault. And it failed. Utterly. It couldn't make me believe for a moment that I'd done anything to make this happen, even on a fate level. That amazes me a little.

Oh, please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the way I react to things isn't my fault (I wouldn't phrase it that way though). I do my level best to own my choices, my reactions and my life. But I think that also means knowing what bits are out of my circle of influence.

Now that I've set my mind on this road, I'm wondering if the belief that everything was my fault is a control issue.

~~~

Great staple puller. And you could chase people around with it while going "Raaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!". Which I wouldn't do.

Except for the fact that, I totally would.

~~~

I've always been fascinated by moving buildings. No, not earthquakes. Moving buildings from one place to another. The first picture is just perfect.

~~~

Via hope_persists, we have some flat out amazing shadow art made of trash.

~~~

The van's transmission does leak...though, it must be somewhere sneaky, as the mechanic couldn't find it on the first pass. I feel bad for Jeff...he feels a bit guilty, 'cause he picked the vehicle. But, it's a *Fabulous* vehicle, and once it's all fixed and we've carved the dealership into tiny pieces (verbally...at first ;), I think he'll be pleased with the choice. Good thoughts and vibes would be appreciated.

~~~

Reading Rainbow has rocked from day one...and now it's rocking for my kid. She loves it *so* much, and often asks that the books they mention be put on her wish list. I do so, and have also gotten her a hefty handful via Paperbackswap. Just *cool*.

Oh, and today, she made books for the three of us, with bookmarks to match. Penguins for me, trains for her dad and dinosaurs for her. She taped them together...during school-time today, I'll show her how to use the punch and yarn/ribbon. Not because the taped books don't rock, but 'cause they frustrated her, and I don't want the next Best Book ever to be lost 'cause the tape was annoying. *grin*