A technicolor loony.

Sam's spelling? Kind of exploding, in a really good way. Why, you ask? Would you believe the chat feature in Dizzywood, and talking to her dad and I via Windows Messenger?

There is a rule that she can't use an abbreviation or acronym if she can't spell the words involved. And we're talking about the difference between "your" and "you're", that sort of thing. It's really, really nifty. It was what I was hoping would happen, and I'm so glad it did.

~~~

I miss Charlie terribly. I haven't seen her since the day before V-day. I know I did the right thing, but it's still utterly depressing.

I know that she's at the good hospital now and that they're working with us to get her home asap, but it still feels like she's never gonna be here. It's been so bloody long. And I work so hard not to think about that part of it, because I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of feeling so hopeless.

Who's have thought bringing my baby home would be so difficult?

On the good side, still not my fault. The stenosis was something that could only be discovered once she was born, and nothing I did/didn't do could have created or prevented it. Well, okay. I could have not gotten pregnant, but that seems drastic.

The whole "I'm to blame for all the problems of the world, especially those in my family" thing? Yeah, so not new. I can't actually remember when it started, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned up when I was thirteen or fourteen. And then, when I woke up in the ICU, it was gone. My extreme guilt about the universe had vanished.

I think it was because, when I woke up and found out Charlie was alive (and was Charlie, rather than Danny) and I was alive, even though (some of) The Worst Things had happened, then all my guilt and all my superstitions seemed ridiculous. And amazingly, they haven't come back either.

~~~

I finally got my mp3 player recognized by my computer! I've only had it for two (maybe three) years now. I appreciate Jeff being so kind in letting me hijack his to put music on my player, but it's so nice to be able to do it myself. And now that I can reliably change stuff as I like, I can finally use it for audio books. Yay!

~~~

A week or so ago, popfiend (who is truly nifty) asked for love stories. I told him one, and have been thinking it belongs here. So...here.

A short love story.

Charlie was born mid-afternoon on December 10. I woke up around five in the morning the next day. Jeff was at the hospital from the time he took me (and Sammy, but she went home with my mom sometime on Thursday) to the ER to the time we were both awake (he slept in the waiting room) and he saw me. He came by later, so we could watch CSI together.

About twenty minutes after the poor guy went home to finally get some sleep, I started to have one hell of a time breathing. I'd had breathing problems all day. Part of it was the anesthesia leaving my body and part of it was the fact that I couldn't stand the oxygen masks. They eventually gave me a cannula (the little clear tube one wears in the nostrils) and I got used to that. But on Thursday night, it felt like my entire inside was swollen (that's the best description I've got). I told the nurses and they said it was the anesthesia and that it would get better eventually.

But right then, I wasn't able to take a deep breath, and the oxygen wasn't helping. So, I called Jeff, waking him up (we live fiveish minutes away from that hospital) and asked him to please come back, because I was scared and panicking.

He did. Which was so kind. I mean, I would have understood if he didn't or couldn't. But he did.

And once he got there, I was able to breathe deeper and stop feeling like I was going to die. It didn't fix everything, but him sitting at my bedside, holding my hand and talking about goofy stuff helped me breathe better.

I knew he loved me, but that was amazing.

~~~

Oh, in other news? We lost the dvd player. Seriously.

When we were putting stuff in the van for the trek to B'more, I implusivly grabbed the dvd player (and remote), 'cause I figured we could hook it up to the tv in the room. We did that in 2002 with our vcr. Unfortunately, the back of the tv had a cover on it, and we couldn't get to the connectors, and there weren't tvs in the rooms at the Children's Home (which totally sounds like an orphanage).

When we were moving out of the hotel, we almost forgot it, but I grabbed it when I was doing the last scan of the room (it was on the top shelf of the entertainment center, easy to overlook) and I remember bringing it down. I either gave it to Jeff to put in or put it in myself. I *think* I put it in the van myself, but I'd put so many other things in that it might not be a real memory.

When we were bringing stuff into the new place, we decided to leave it in the van, in the cargo section, which was cavernous and difficult to see from outside the van, even if you were looking right in the windows. And when we got home, it was gone. Nowhere to be seen The van had a very good (and loud) alarm and there were no signs of it being broken into. If they'd managed to get into the van without setting off the alarm, why close it back up? And why not take the whole thing, not the hard-to-see dvd player?

So, yeah. Don't think it was stolen, but also can't figure out where it was lost. It just kind of vanished, 'cause the van was never left open when bringing things in without one of us there, doing stuff *with* the van contents. And nobody was in the room besides us.

It is a mystery for the ages. But, we bought a new one (refurbished, from Overstock for less than the original. Small yay) and it should be here soon. And now we have two remotes for it. So that'll be fun. ;)

~~~

As you know, Bob, Sammy is very into the Harry Potter books. She's read the first two and we're waiting on the third to come from Paperbackswap (I've got them all, but the first three are in storage. The fourth might be as well, I'm not exactly sure).

I'm getting her some Harry Potter stuff (including a deluxe Wizard's kit with robe and wand), and find myself working really hard to *not* get her anything that spoils the books for her. I've read them so often than they kind of meld together for me into one long story.

I don't know if she'll go beyond book four right now or not. She'll certainly be allowed if she wants to, but it might be a bit daunting. We'll see.

I'm also looking at Bella Sara stuff for her...it's a fairly new obsession, but one we're doing together. Mainly 'cause she and her dad play Disney's Toontown and are really enthusiastic about it, but I'm not into that particular game. So, I figured this would be nice...and so far, it doesn't look like it can become all crapped up like Neopets. We'll see about *that* too. I was sure I'd seen a Bella Sara board game somewhere, but can't find it for the life of me. Oh well, we'll live without it somehow (especially if it doesn't exist).

~~~

I've missed just writing here. It felt wrong to go on about goofy stuff while Charlie was in the hospital. But, not doing it didn't get her out of the hospital, so may as well core-dump from time to time. That may even help. :)

~~~

Gotta go. Meeting with Dr. Clawson at four.

Woo-HOOOOOO! Charlie is back at Winchester! They actually let her out of the hospital and didn't tease this time.

Of course, they "forgot" to call Jeff and let him know this was going on, but now we don't have to even think about them anymore (we will 'cause that's how we are, but we don't have to).

Jeff's in the office now, and will be stopping by the hospital on his way home to talk to one of her doctors. The doctor who *called him* and set up an appointment.

In closing, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Oh, lovely. I seem to have caught a cold. Which means that I can't go into the NICU...even if they'd let me, I'd feel utterly wrong about it. There are several "super preemies" in there (no capes, sadly) and I'd never forgive myself if I caused them harm.

Of course, this is the weekend when we were going to be there as much as possible and try the whole "feeding on demand" thing. When I woke up, I had a migraine that lasted most of the day. I'm assuming it was brought on by stress, 'cause I haven't had one in ages. Headaches here and there, but not the big bad. And now, a cold. Yay.

You ever have the feeling that your body is working against you? *grump*

Jeff spent lots of time with each of his daughters today (I love saying "daughters" and "children". It's even more fun that saying "President Obama", though that is a close second). There were V-day festivities here that he and Sam went to, and then he spent several hours with Charlie, who was in a great mood. She has been practicing her smiling. It's so much fun. She also recognizes Jeff and I. It feels truly amazing to have her focus on me (and when that child focuses, she does it with every fiber of her tiny being) and then smile. Of course, she also focuses on her mobile and then smiles...and the cheetah that Jenny gave her, and the light fixtures. None of this decreases the awesome.:)

What the doctors say is wrong with her is "she's not eating enough to satisfy them". Which is true...but it isn't life-threatening. She takes about half her feeds a lot of the time and sometimes she takes all of them (she's currently at 105ml of a high-calorie formula). If the nurses would have her bottles ready before she was due to eat and give them to her when she was just realizing she was hungry, she'd eat a lot more. And, if she were fed on demand, as she would be at home, she'd eventually take everything she needed, just not in four-hour segments. Hell, I fed Sam 'round the clock till she was...nope, no idea. Older than Charlie currently is, that's for sure. And she was breastfeeding...I'm hoping to transition Charlie to breast, but right now she's on formula, which means that the other people in the house could feed her too.

But, y'know, I don't want to talk about it. ;)

Bought my breast pump last night, so I can get my supply up and hopefully have a stash in the freezer for the baby. I tried to pump when I had Sam and it didn't go well. But then, I had no real reason to do so. I'm more confident this time, and I have more people to ask if I run into problems.

Hi all. This is darthgeek posting for dandelion_diva.

In case you didn't know, Gessi went to the hospital yesterday morning due to bleeding. Several hours later, Charlotte "Charlie" Emelia Anne Rovario-Cole was born via c-section.

Gessi is in the ICU as she was having some problems breathing and her blood pressure was elevated. She is doing quite well, and grumpy that the remote for her tv is missing :)

Charlotte's left arm was apparently on top of her head in the birth canal, so, it broke either in the womb or during delivery. The bone doctor has been to see her and is pleased with the splinting and such.

Gessi's mum arrived this morning and has been doing a fantastic job of corralling sammy_grrl who is constantly reminding us how glad she is that she doesn't have to share her birthday month :)

Cards and such can be sent to the address found here. If you can't see it for whatever reason, yell at me in the comments of whatever latest post I've made :)

Almost forgot. The pertinent details:

Charlotte Emelia Anne Rovario-Cole
7lbs 14oz 19in long
Full head of dark hair

I will continue to post updates in my journal, so, feel free to friend me, etc.

Thank you all for your continued thoughts, prayers, etc.

Jeff

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. Y'all rock like a rocking chair in a windstorm.

~~~

I can't believe I forgot that darthgeek also got me the second volume of The Ultimate Sandman. But he did. Tolja he was just that cool. :)

~~~

Sam adores Cyberchase. Which is cool. Yay math.But the theme song? That drives me absolutely mad. Because of this: o/~Don't tell me that he's trying to hack the Motherboard, we'll get him every time~\o

'Kay... If I don't *tell* you, how are you going to beat him? Hmmmm?

~~~

When I was quite young, my Boompa taught me to go down the stairs on my butt. This was called Boombie. Because it was, that's why.

Here's the cat version. Cats can't go down on their butts, of course. The tail gets in the way.;)

~~~

Dear Prince,

Are you kidding me? You really want to alienate all your queer fans?

Now, to be honest, I've thought you were a nutter for a while now. But, a nutter with some good music...and some undeniably goofy music that was often fun as hell. But you've been heading into whackball territory for the past few years, and my advice is "Pull up! Pull Upppppppp! You're going into a dive that you may never recover from".

Not that I expect you to listen, but hey, nobody can say I didn't try.

Disappointedly,

Gessi

P.S. "Take out of context"? Couldn't you come up with something a little more original.

~~~

Also, if you haven't seen the segment about Prince in the first Evening w/Kevin Smith dvd, oh you should. Even if you don't like Kevin Smith, it's honestly worth it.

~~~

Sam's cold seems to be *gone*. There's a sneeze here and there, but those are gone for the most part. The cough and runny nose seem to be utterly a thing of the past. I'm happy and relieved for the poor kid.

~~~

We have worked with Lego to painstakingly collect and catalog almost every minifig ever produced into a photographic timeline.

~~~

Chuck Klosterman & Chinese Democracy Reviewing Chinese Democracy is not like reviewing music. It's more like reviewing a unicorn. Should I primarily be blown away that it exists at all? Am I supposed to compare it to conventional horses? To a rhinoceros? Does its pre-existing mythology impact its actual value, or must it be examined inside a cultural vacuum, as if this creature is no more (or less) special than the remainder of the animal kingdom?

Honestly? I don't expect it to be good. There's always a *chance* of course, but so many cooks have stirred this broth that even if there are a bunch of good songs, I don't hold much hope for a cohesive album. But whatever happens, it should be interesting.

~~~

Hey cool! A series of Muppet comic books is beginning in March of next year.

If nothing else, Sam will be delighted. She's just starting to get into comics and graphic novels, and loves the Muppets nearly as much as I do. (Well, I've had more time to let the obsession grow, you see.;)

~~~

Oooh, here's something to eat up time, if you have some you need to be rid of. The Life Photo Archive, hosted by Google. Their photos *start* in the 1860's.

~~~

Via yendi, video of a cat riding a Roomba. That's got to be the calmest cat I've ever seen. Seems to know how to get it to go in the right direction, too.

~~~

Sam's a wonderful helper. My cold, which started out so light, seems to be in assasination mode. Sam has refilled the electric kettle and found the box of mint tea that went missing. Then she got me regular water as well and a bag for used tissues. She's upstairs putting away her clothes and then she's going to make bean & cheese burritos for lunch, with help and supervision from me.

She's always a great kid (even when I want to put her in a box on the sidewalk with a puppy and a sign "Free puppy, must take brat too", she's still a great kid. The proof of that is, I haven't made the sign yet.;) but this is very impressive and I've told her so.

*later* Oh, these are good. Tasty and wonderfully filling. She heated 'em up and then I put them together, explaining the folding method again. I think she might actually take on the folding next time. :)

~~~

Dear Zappos,

I like your store and the shoes I've gotten from there. But, the e-mail I just got for you made me roll my eyes. "Free shipping for the holidays". I've been buying stuff from you for several years now (the first time was when we were still living in Maryland) and the shipping has *always* been free. It'd be kind of like Burger King advertising that now, they have french fries!

Glad for the free shipping any way I can get it,

Gessi

A very smart dog with some very nifty owners uses a machine to help him play fetch in the house. It's about two minutes long.

~~~

And, once again, hot tea is a true blessing. I've got a cold...as does Sam. The last time I was sniffly, I started thinking about the cold/s that would arrive this winter. And remembered that I had a small electric kettle. Last night, the coughing started, and I put my plan into action. I filled a metal tray with the kettle, two kinds of tea, a bowl for bags and such and my covered panda mug with the strainer. Thanks to the extension cord next to my desk, the setup is perfect. Yay.

~~~

Oh squee! The Foo Fighters are going to be on Top Chef, on the November 26th show.

Now the question is, will I be able to cope with Dave Grohl *and* Tom Collicchio on my tv screen at the same time? I'm not promising anything, but I just might swoon. Luckily, I'll be sitting down at the time, so while swoonage may happen, thuddage won't.

Also, I'd be willing to give up "adorable Gail Simmons" for Dave...or the whole band could come, as a package deal. I'd be just fine with that, too.

~~~

I got some of the best birthday loot ever.

Remember the Rizzo (from Grease, not the Muppets) Barbie I was lusting after a few months ago? So did my mom, which is why I now have one. Too bloody cool.

Sam made me a very cool card with her fairy stencils. I think it's the only card I've ever gotten with "Ta da!" on it.

And Jeff got me a bread slicer guide thingie. It's a wooden breadboard with a plastic guide attached to it. You put the loaf of bread in the guide and can use it to cut *even* slices. Which is something I just plain suck at.

He also got me some books that can only be described as frickin' amazing. Including Pratchett's The Last Hero and the Illustrated Wee Free Men, Maya Angelou's "A Letter to my Daughter", the autobiographies of Suzi Quatro (who was my very first girl crush), Lillian Gilbreth (I've been wanting to read her POV for as long as I've known about the book) and Rue McClannahan (I'm not too far into it, but it seems that Blanche wasn't entirely a work of fiction). There's also Chuck Amuck (the book, not the fabulous documentary. Though, that's on one of the WB Cartoon collections...I think it was three) and The Are You Being Served Stories. Hmm, those should also be in autobiography. Good thing I'm only reporting, not shelving.;)

Sure, I'm the one who put them on my wish list...but there are well over a thousand things there (I mostly use it as a reminder and am often surprised to find that other people know it's there) and what he picked were among the cream of the crop.

There's a chance that the child and I will make ice cream cone cupcakes later...but that will depend on how our colds are doing.

~~~

Jeff gets home tomorrow, possibly in time for the Top Chef repeat at eleven (It is far more fun watching with him than by myself). I'm happy and can't wait, but Sam and I have been doing really well this time. Turtle too.*Grin*

This does *not* mean that I want him to go away again anytime soon. But it's good to know that we can cope...hell, we can do better than cope. And I'm proud of that.

~~~

I cannot tell you why I really like these The End shots from various movies & tv shows. But I *really* do.

~~~

D00d! It is *snowing*! Very lightly and it's probably melting as it hits the ground, but still. Snow. Nifty.

Tomorrow is darthgeek and my eighth wedding anniversary and ninth relationship anniversary.

I am so happy in this relationship it's sickening. And yet, if you wrote it out, from the beginning, nobody'd believe we'd make it past the first year and a half, let alone almost a decade.

I don't really know why it works. It just...does.

No, that isn't true. We each made a conscious decision to build our relationship...it was about two and a half years after we got married. Things were just about as bad as they could get. We were at the point where we could either end it or fix it. Allowing things to go on as they were was simply not an option.

I'm not saying we never argued again, or that our communication skills put NASA to shame. But we did the hard work...we still do, it's just easier now.

I think I know why it works. Because, beyond love, we're genuinely fond of one another. We don't put each other on pedestals, we're both down here on the ground, having as good a time as possible.

Sometimes, things just suck. Sometimes, my brain tells me lies and makes me miserable. Sometimes, I count the days till the light will be coming back and hope like hell I'll make it. And in all that...he never doubts me. He never brushes me off. He never yells at me to just get over it already. He never lets me get away with saying that his life would be better without me.

I know how lucky I am. And I thank the universe, every single day, for letting me have him in my life.