(no subject)

Oh, my Charlie.

She's doing very well. Healthy as anything. On Saturday night, she weighed in at 8lbs, 13 oz, which means she's almost a pound more now than she was at birth.

The only thing keeping her in the NICU is her nose. The congestion was largely gone when she was on Afrin, but it's not something they could keep her on indefinitely. Which is a major bummer, because she was eating *beautifully* when she was on it. The rule is, she has to take at least 24 hour's worth of food by mouth before she can be released. On Afrin, she barrelling toward the goal, but she's very stuffed up now, and we're not exactly back at the beginning, but we've certainly rolled down the hill a ways.

One of the doctors is pretty sure she has a deviated septum, and she may need surgery. This scares me to pieces. Not so much the surgery but the anesthesia. She is so tiny and I know they're experts and so on, but I also know that things go wrong. And, that is as far down that road as I can go right now. Especially since I'm honestly sure everything will be okay. Though, I'll be a ball of terror and stress on the actuall day. If I happens at all. Which, from what I'm hearing, odds are currently for.

They put a mobile above her crib, which she adores. When watching it, she sometimes follows the motion with her right hand. It's kind of amazing to watch.

darthgeek went back to work today (and amazingly, thanks to the holidays and really only taking a day here and there till now, he's actually got some vacation days left) and it wasn't anywhere near as odd as I'd expected. It does mean that we'll only be able to go see Charlie when he's working from home (Tue & Thu, we hope. Those were his "old" days at home, but they need to hire at least one person before they can be his permanent days again.) and on weekends. He can do short visits before or after work though. So it isn't that bad and it doesn't bother me that much (unless I think about it) because we honestly are lucky that we can see her *that* much. I know there are families in the NICU that only get to see their kids once a week or so. I'm honest to ghu grateful, while being bummed at the same time.

I am not, however, feeling guilty about it. I seem to have lost my guilt in the hospital. I don't feel like damn near everything is my fault and that if I mention something, it will allll go wrong. And I had no idea how much living like that really and truly *sucked* till I didn't have to any longer. I don't know where the crazy guilt went, but I hope it *stays* there.

(no subject)

Oh, my Charlie.

She's doing very well. Healthy as anything. On Saturday night, she weighed in at 8lbs, 13 oz, which means she's almost a pound more now than she was at birth.

The only thing keeping her in the NICU is her nose. The congestion was largely gone when she was on Afrin, but it's not something they could keep her on indefinitely. Which is a major bummer, because she was eating *beautifully* when she was on it. The rule is, she has to take at least 24 hour's worth of food by mouth before she can be released. On Afrin, she barrelling toward the goal, but she's very stuffed up now, and we're not exactly back at the beginning, but we've certainly rolled down the hill a ways.

One of the doctors is pretty sure she has a deviated septum, and she may need surgery. This scares me to pieces. Not so much the surgery but the anesthesia. She is so tiny and I know they're experts and so on, but I also know that things go wrong. And, that is as far down that road as I can go right now. Especially since I'm honestly sure everything will be okay. Though, I'll be a ball of terror and stress on the actuall day. If I happens at all. Which, from what I'm hearing, odds are currently for.

They put a mobile above her crib, which she adores. When watching it, she sometimes follows the motion with her right hand. It's kind of amazing to watch.

darthgeek went back to work today (and amazingly, thanks to the holidays and really only taking a day here and there till now, he's actually got some vacation days left) and it wasn't anywhere near as odd as I'd expected. It does mean that we'll only be able to go see Charlie when he's working from home (Tue & Thu, we hope. Those were his "old" days at home, but they need to hire at least one person before they can be his permanent days again.) and on weekends. He can do short visits before or after work though. So it isn't that bad and it doesn't bother me that much (unless I think about it) because we honestly are lucky that we can see her *that* much. I know there are families in the NICU that only get to see their kids once a week or so. I'm honest to ghu grateful, while being bummed at the same time.

I am not, however, feeling guilty about it. I seem to have lost my guilt in the hospital. I don't feel like damn near everything is my fault and that if I mention something, it will allll go wrong. And I had no idea how much living like that really and truly *sucked* till I didn't have to any longer. I don't know where the crazy guilt went, but I hope it *stays* there.