(no subject)

[myschyf]

"Don't compare pain, it doesn't do any good and will probably hurt someone in the end."

I've said that, in a zillion different ways, for years. And I definitely believe it. Something occurred to me today though. No one's tempted to compare joys in the same way (Well, at least in my experience). When people share joy, each person's contribution is celebrated and isn't thought to be diminishing anyone else. Why are we allowed to be happy but not sad, angry or in pain?

Of course, living in a society where happiness is celebrated (and often forced), anger and sadness are suppressed and pain is something to get over, I almost understand. But I still don't really get it.

So, what do y'all think?

Comments

[deb-m.livejournal.com]

Sounds kind of like some stoicism kind of thing.....can I blame it on puritans?

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

Sadness, fear, anger, uncertainity, all these emotions frighten people so they must be supressed. Then a time comes when they all explode and people ask "WHY?". Not smart, but very human.

Right now the religious right is frightened and they are stirking out at what frightens them, the rest of us. They, like the Puritans, do not want true freedom to prectice their own kink religion, they want to be able to make everybody else as unhappy and as miserable as they are. This as a method of "Saving Them for God." The God I worship is deeply saddened by this kind of nonsense. I wish they would get a clue. But they seem to prefer to replace Love and understanding and comapssion with Fear, Loathing, and Hate. Thanks, but no thanks.

[sfw-dc.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that this will provide any insight. It's just my experience.

In RL, my friends are more likely to share and enjoy each others happiness, but they've always been there for each other in the bad stuff too. Not comparing or one-upping, but helping.

In some net-spaces, I've seen that happen. In others, well -

Not too long ago I left a place that I had been hanging out for a long time (a web board.) I had made friends (I thought) and gone through both good and bad with these people. This group had formed out of the implosion of another place. So, we had been together a long time, and been through both RL and VL stuff. One of the results of the implosion was an amazingly militant insistence on free speech. No exceptions, everything except spam MUST be permitted, even welcomed.

I asked one participant, who is known for being deliberatly hurtful, to perhaps tag his cruel and gross postings with warnings. No, no, can't have that. Better to offend me (and others) than to muzzle someone.

Not long after that, people who posted happy things began getting angry replies - You're gloating! You're insensetive! You shouldn't post like that when others here have it bad!

The place got really gloomy. I'm not the only one who left.

Sharing both pain AND joy and supporting friends through the pain and celebrating in the joy strikes me as the healthy way to be. Balance is important. And of course, it's better if there is more joy than pain.

[aeiou.livejournal.com]

maybe because sadness and pain are something to be endured, so we want to say "oh, well i lived through x, y and z, so your p and q are nothing to what i've been through" or something like that. stupid and ridiculous things to do or say, trivializing someone's pain in that way, but done nonetheless.

stream of semiconciouslness (all my opinion)

[ororo.livejournal.com]

Could it be that true happiness is so rare we don't want to do anything to eclipse it so maybe we can share in it for a little while? Or maybe hope that it will rub off on us?

A lot of "civilized" human behavior seems to be based on "what will people think?" Outward expression of emotion regarding something bad is viewed as not handling it.

Then there's that river in Africa. Some folks will go so far into denial that they can't bear to see anyone expressing pain. Some of those folks also believe that someone in pain probably brought it on themselves. They don't want to contemplate that It Could Happen To Them.

But, somewhere along the line, the shine began to wear off the nobility of "suffering in silence." Maybe it was the seventies when the stigma began to wear off seeing therapists (not that it has completely). I don't recall reading or experiencing any times where social mores said things like "don't be happy, you might make someone else miserable."

I may come back to this later.