(no subject)

[myschyf]

Home. Miserable about it. I know this was the right thing to do, especially since my cold is getting worse. But knowing you did the right thing doesn't always make living with it easy.

I feel, irrationally or not, that I'm abandoning both Charlie and Jeff, that I'm giving up and giving in, and that I'm not going to see the baby in the flesh again. That they'll keep her forever and I'll just see pictures. Like I sponsored a kid in another country or something.

I may have been more of a wreck yesterday...but then, today is only half over. Jeff's gone to get tissues for me (the one thing we forgot to get last night) and then he'll go back to B'more. I feel like I'm faking, just to come home. The coughing and nose-blowing make my cold evident to everyone but the section of the brain reserved for self-loathing.

I don't know how we'll get through this. I know we will, because we've gotten through some stuff that was even suckier (the list is short, but there were a few things that were worse than this situation) and lived to tell the tale. But this road is so long and twisted, and there are no signs telling us when it ends, or at least joins another road that's shorter and not so full of potholes.

The hospital shill social worker said she'd call this morning about the transfer, and she hasn't. Jeff called and got her voice mail. Yeah, I have so much confidence in her.

Comments

[jenny_evergreen]

*provides shoulder*

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs you warmly* You know there's no place you'd rather be than with them; you're not because you're being senssible in the face of a cold, not because you're abandoning them.

*hugs you again*

[strixluna.livejournal.com]

((((big hugs))))

[ororo.livejournal.com]

eep and hugs.

[wolfette]

{{{{{hugs}}}}

and {{hugs}} to baby too.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

You feel what you feel, honey, but do try to stop beating yourself up. You need to get better, and you need some rest. Incompetent although the social workers and administrators may be, Charlie's in good *medical* hands, and Jeff will look out for you all.

*hugs*

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}}

Hang in there.........

[daysinger.livejournal.com]

I just spent the last 30 minutes reading your entire ordeal with beautiful baby Charlie for the past month. I know it's excruciating to be away from her, but know that she's in good hands and you WILL see her, she will be yours and home in your arms. Thanks for posting the lovely pictures of your family. You deserve only happiness. Get some rest, your whole family will be better for it.

[aumonae.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I don't say this as often as I might, but, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

If I'm up to it, and can find something appropriate, would you like me to perform a ritual or journey on your (collective) behalf?

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And, yes, I'd like that. :)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

In any journey, if I've brought back anything of value, it's something only you can interpret. But, similarly, I can't act on your behalf. That I envision myself doing something doesn't mean that *I* am doing it... it all depends on what feels right to you. It might mean that it must be done. Or that someone will do it, whether it must be done or not. Or it might mean that it's something you want to do. Or...well, you get the picture. Think about it, and if a meaning makes itself clear, and seems right, then it probably is.

I started my journey the way I'm used to, traveling to the world tree, and stopping at my little campground there. I greeted Raven, and Turtle, and Skunk (who I had visited yesterday - no relevance to this particular journey). I then asked Raven, my guide, to take me where I was needed. After travel through a Dr. Who-like tunnel (I've been watching some old Tom Baker Dr. Who, and the spirit world draws from one's own image store), I found myself in a city... a normal city, not one that was dark or excessively light, so, one much like the real world.

And in the city there was a huge, knotted ball of string. My first thought was of the Gordian Knot and Alexander's solution, but I knew that was not right. So I started picking at it, thinking that it required a sacrifice of hard work, painful fingers (from picking at knotted string) and gumminess/ickiness from the stickiness on the string was needed.

But no, sacrifice was not called for. Just wisdom. I traced out the strings with my hands, and found they would unravel with the will. And slowly, without much effort, they started to unravel, until, at the center of the ball, was a tiny baby duckling. The duckling's beak was bent (think Daffy after walking into a wall), so I carefully gathered her up, and took her to the lower world, to meet with Duck. I fed Duck some millet, and asked for her help. She did something - it was a hard, single thing, quick, like a *snap* - and it was painful, healed quickly, and soon the duckling was swimming at high speed in a convenient pond.

I knew there was a threat lurking, and I kept watch, flying lightly over her. I couldn't get a sense of the threat, but I also knew that she would be watched over by the spirits... she would not be alone. So I looked around, saw no immediate threat, and felt that there was nothing more that needed doing. The duckling was certainly not in danger, but she bore watching.

[beki.livejournal.com]

*snugs* You will get through it, and yeah I know all about it sucking when you can't do much about it. You will get her back, and there is nothing wrong with setting a dead line to call and tell whomever that they said they'd call you back with whatever answer. The squeaky wheel will get the grease.