(no subject)

Home. Miserable about it. I know this was the right thing to do, especially since my cold is getting worse. But knowing you did the right thing doesn't always make living with it easy.

I feel, irrationally or not, that I'm abandoning both Charlie and Jeff, that I'm giving up and giving in, and that I'm not going to see the baby in the flesh again. That they'll keep her forever and I'll just see pictures. Like I sponsored a kid in another country or something.

I may have been more of a wreck yesterday...but then, today is only half over. Jeff's gone to get tissues for me (the one thing we forgot to get last night) and then he'll go back to B'more. I feel like I'm faking, just to come home. The coughing and nose-blowing make my cold evident to everyone but the section of the brain reserved for self-loathing.

I don't know how we'll get through this. I know we will, because we've gotten through some stuff that was even suckier (the list is short, but there were a few things that were worse than this situation) and lived to tell the tale. But this road is so long and twisted, and there are no signs telling us when it ends, or at least joins another road that's shorter and not so full of potholes.

The hospital shill social worker said she'd call this morning about the transfer, and she hasn't. Jeff called and got her voice mail. Yeah, I have so much confidence in her.

(no subject)

Home. Miserable about it. I know this was the right thing to do, especially since my cold is getting worse. But knowing you did the right thing doesn't always make living with it easy.

I feel, irrationally or not, that I'm abandoning both Charlie and Jeff, that I'm giving up and giving in, and that I'm not going to see the baby in the flesh again. That they'll keep her forever and I'll just see pictures. Like I sponsored a kid in another country or something.

I may have been more of a wreck yesterday...but then, today is only half over. Jeff's gone to get tissues for me (the one thing we forgot to get last night) and then he'll go back to B'more. I feel like I'm faking, just to come home. The coughing and nose-blowing make my cold evident to everyone but the section of the brain reserved for self-loathing.

I don't know how we'll get through this. I know we will, because we've gotten through some stuff that was even suckier (the list is short, but there were a few things that were worse than this situation) and lived to tell the tale. But this road is so long and twisted, and there are no signs telling us when it ends, or at least joins another road that's shorter and not so full of potholes.

The hospital shill social worker said she'd call this morning about the transfer, and she hasn't. Jeff called and got her voice mail. Yeah, I have so much confidence in her.

(no subject)

Charlie's being sent back to Winchester. They think it'll be Wednesday, possibly Thursday.

I'm far more confident that *they'll* give the baby back, 'cause we have a good relationship with them, and we were discussing bringing her home with the tube before the stenosis was discovered. Jeff even learned how to insert it into her mouth/throat. If they decide to go that route, I'll learn too...he got the lesson the night I barfed in the bushes.

I'm so glad she'll be going back there, for about a thousand reasons. And glad that half the family won't be two and a half hours away soon.

(no subject)

Charlie's being sent back to Winchester. They think it'll be Wednesday, possibly Thursday.

I'm far more confident that *they'll* give the baby back, 'cause we have a good relationship with them, and we were discussing bringing her home with the tube before the stenosis was discovered. Jeff even learned how to insert it into her mouth/throat. If they decide to go that route, I'll learn too...he got the lesson the night I barfed in the bushes.

I'm so glad she'll be going back there, for about a thousand reasons. And glad that half the family won't be two and a half hours away soon.